one chocolate one glazed

This morning little man and I ventured off to our local library.I was quite pleased with myself with only getting less than five hours of not so solid sleep. I really wanted us to have a pajama day curled up on the couch watching "how do they build that?" (little man's latest obsession a DVD all about building a garbage truck.) But I didn't want O to miss out on story time. So off we went. One shoulder ride to the bus stop. A thirty minute bus ride another shoulder ride across the bridge to the library.Actually let me be honest with you'all we were an hour early for story time so we walked around downtown. Well I did all the walking little man did all the riding. Dang my shoulders are sore. Walking around downtown to and from the bus stop carrying a 25lb. toddler on your shoulders does that count for a work out? Maybe now I can fit into my skinny jeans?
Story time was a success. O made a new friend, Nora. Darling little girl.I think little man was more fascinated with her baby brother. He's had a real interest in babies lately.He will make a great big brother one day. After story time before another shoulder ride across the bridge to the bus stop we stopped for a little treat. Doughnut holes. One Chocolate ones glazed. I ate the glazed. It was delightful. Boy I was glad I didn't buy more than one.Trouble those little doughnut holes.Of course my little man had a teeny tiny melt down after finishing his chocolate hole. He wanted mine too! He was shocked to learn that I hate the glazed one. How dare I. What can I say the child has my sweet tooth.Now were home little man is fast a sleep and I am doing everything in my power not to lay down. I will not take a nap today. Nope not me. After I wrap this post up in the next few words or so I will be a productive mommy and house wife. No nap for me. Early bed time before three in the morning is my goal.

Happy Wednesday You'all


I can't sleep. Seems to be  my new nightly ritual tossing and turning. Insomnia, I hate it. To much on my mind, I guess. Tonight I was really proud of myself crawling into bed before midnight. Snuggled up to the man I love, closing my eyes feeling the freshness of the cool autumn air{we sleep with our windows open that's how we like it}Aaaaaaahhhhhh sleep and then that's when it happened my mind started wandering. How should I season tomorrow's night's chicken? lemon pepper maybe, should I fry it or bake it. Defiantly bake.Damn it  mind I need to go to sleep. I am tired of feeling like a zombie. Go to sleep.

Rolling from my left to my right my mind drifted to a place I have been avoiding for well over a year. It's to painful when I go but sometime my mind goes their.Tonight I need to go their. My eyes began to water.Remembering the last time I held my grandmother's hand on her death bed. I wanted to take a picture of our hands touching knowing that this would be our last. I didn't know if it would be inappropriate or not. So instead I did the next best thing. I took a mental picture.I have never seen anyone so close to death before. Literally hours away.

The following morning my grandma, my best friend died.Wow typing  that very word opened the water gates.I have been avoiding sharing my feelings of grieve for well over a year now.It's time I let it all out.

I miss you grandma. Every time I  burn toast or bacon I think of you.I miss being able  to pick up the phone to ask you "how are you?" you always replied "better than nothing" Even when you were real sick and you could barely catch your breathe. I know your in a better place now. The pain of not having you grace this world of the living is still painful.I still have a jar of your last batch of  jam. It sit in my pantry. It has the year 2007 written on it in your hand writing. I don't even know if it's still good to eat. Does jam go bad? Eating it is not an option it's the last one you ever made grandma.

Grandma you will alway be in my heart and forever  missed. Love you to the moon and back.

{O meeting his great grandma 2008}

Where were you this past weekend?

We my friends, were in the  nut house.
Yup,  the Hazel Nut House
It was a Nutty nut nut time for all.
Even this boy ( a.k.a sponge bob patty) was belly  bun flopping. 
I am not sure what O was doing  here.
but the  cute boy next to him is his Cousin, sweet kid.
It was a nutty nut nut day 
The day was not all about nuts though.
Their were pumpkins too, lots of them.
sweet sweet sweet cotton candy on a cone (old school style)
My favorite, O's too.
their were plenty of shoulder riding.
better to view all the goats,chickens,bunnies,pigs,ponies 
great company
perfect weather
I wanna go back!

Another Giveaway, Claire & Cowboy Caviar

Oh how I love give aways. Beauty in the Attempt is giving away not one but two gifts to one of you in honor of her birthday.Isn't that thoughtful of her? Head on over to her blog to find out what she's giving away.Do it now! You have until October 17 {this Sunday} So what are you waiting for head on over to beauty in the Attempt. You just might be  the lucky winner. Happy Birthday e!

In other exciting news  Warrior Princess Claire was discharged from the hospital earlier today. Welcome home sweet home {again} Claire! Every night before O goes to sleep he asks to see a picture of Claire. It's so cute. Maybe one day these two CDH warriors can meet in person but for now they are blog buddies.

This is what I have been living off of lately...
I  am  addicted.
I can't seem to get enough.
It's super easy to make and a great healthy snack,dinner or even breakfast. YES breakfast.
I told you I am  totally addicted to Cowboy Caviar,baby.
I have my friend Rachel to thank for introducing me to this fresh totally addicting dish.
Thanks Rachel!

this is how you make it
1 can shoepeg corn - drained
1 can black eyed peas - rinsed
2 large avocados - cubed
roma tomatoes - chopped
2/3 cup cilantro - chopped - I just use 1 bunch
2/3 cup green onion - chopped - I just use 1 bunch
Dressing: Mix together in bowl and pour over ingredients above
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
2 teaspoon chopped garlic
3/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cumin

Wordless Wednesday


I love these TWO!
strawberry or no strawberry
in my eyes they are both strawberrlicous!

Fare well Indian Summer, hot chocolate and prayers for Claire

It's crazy to think this time last week it was in the upper eighty's. Defiantly unusual for these parts for this time of year. I guess that was our Indian summer.Our Indian summer I think is officially over.Goodbye to shorts and tanks and hello sweaters. That's what I wore today, a sweater. This afternoon at the park I was still freezing and to think it's not even winter yet. The weather change seems extreme. Last week upper eighty's today low sixty's. I guess summer  is over, for reals. Indian summer really through me for a loop.

You know what hubs is making me at this very moment? Cinnamon Hot chocolate. My favorite. He's the best. How did I get so dang lucky?He loves me unconditionally and sometime I can be difficult. that's a hot chocolate.

I have been thinking about Claire and her family a lot. Claire didn't get to go home today. She's sick with some nasty infection. It breaks my heart. Poor baby. You good read more about Claire here. Leave a comment if you stop by. I know first hand when your stuck in the hospital with a sick child it's encouraging and uplifting to read comments. Not to mention it helps time go by little bit faster.

I'm gonna call it night. My Hot chocolate and I are going to curl up on the couch with hubs.

Good night.

unbelievable give away!

I just entered for a chance to win a Britax stroller
over at {Natural}Mommie
and so can YOU!
You have until November 12th MST. open to US and Canada.
So what are you waiting for head on over to {Natural} Mommy
The WINNER very well could be YOU!
Good Luck!

The BEST grilled cheese EVER!!!

no joke hands down the BEST grilled cheese ever.
I could live off of this 
all you need is
fresh mozzarella,fresh basil,bread crumbs
eggs,flour and oil

I think hubs could live off of this too.
Seriously it is AMAZING!
If you love mozzarella sticks this is the grilled cheese for you.
Well it's not really grilled it's kinda fried.
That's probably why it's AMAZING!

slice mozzarella thinly
rinse and pat dry the fresh basil
set a side

heat up oil in a frying pan

in a large plate ( I use a pie pan) beat a couple of eggs. I use 1 egg per sandwich.
have two additional plates or pie pans one with bread crumbs (I use Italian ) the other with flour.

place the mozzarella,basil in between two slices of whole wheat bread.
dip in the flour,egg,bread crumbs. make sure your sandwich is coated well.

gentle place sandwich in a frying pan with heated oil.
fry both sides until golden brown and the mozzarella is melted.
remove from pan,slice,serve with warm marina sauce and ENJOY!
I found this on the Parker's Reese Foundations site
   written by Breathe of Hope

What it is like to have a baby with Congital Diaphragmatic Hernia?

Imagine that you and your partner are expecting a baby. The thrill of the whole thought – another little being. The whole thing is a bit overwhelming and exciting. About the time many are diagnosed, is the 20 week ultrasound. Most couples go to the doctor excited to perhaps find out the sex of the baby and/or just to get a glimpse of this little one before they are born. Whose mouth and nose does this little one have? No one expects to be told their child has something wrong.
You are in a darkened room in order to see the ultrasound monitor and the tech is actually measuring the size of the head, bones and checking to see the organs. Then they see that something isn’t right. It is hard to not disclose this to the couple who is excited to see their baby, the hands the feet the nose. In that darkened room or perhaps after you are led to an office after the ultrasound, a health professional will then inform you that your unborn child has a birth defect called congenital diaphragmatic hernia. The survival rates are approximately 50 to 60% and they must tell you that the treatments they endure to save their lives may cause lifetime issues. They also have to tell you that congenital diaphragmatic hernia itself because the child’s organs did not form correctly in development may have lifetime issues.
You are then told there are options. Fetal surgery may be an option but depending upon where you live and the availability of surgeons who specialize in this, it could not be a financially feasible one. It also depends upon the mother’s overall health and the severity of the diaphragmatic hernia, so you must qualify to have this option available to you too. Your insurance coverage may not cover such a procedure. It is highly experimental even today. One day it may not be. You are also told that you should have this infant, if you continue this pregnancy at a level 3 or higher NICU at a Medical Center that has had experience, even with the fetal surgery you would need this too. They may require ECMO, a heart lung bypass in order to save their lives. To imagine your unborn child hooked up to a heart lung bypass? It is overwhelming. This isn’t supposed to happen.
You will also be given an option to terminate the pregnancy. You just passed the 12 week point where many couples start to breathe easier because you are past the crucial point of miscarriage in the first trimester. You are not supposed to be making life and death decisions for your child. You are supposed to be planning the nursery, picking out clothing and the only worry will be if you truly think you are up to being a mother or a father. Those worries are enough in themselves.
Now you are given options if you were prediagnosed prior to birth. You must make these decisions that will not only affect your lives, but your whole family. You will wonder if your choice of hospitals is good and question if you should go to another. None of the choices are easy. You will also be asked to undergo an amniocentesis to rule out any other abnormality with this unborn child. Many times there are none. Sometimes there are other issues.
Only other parents who have faced this understand the unexplainable feelings, the emotions that go from fear, to devastation to determination. Only other parents who have been there and done that can relate to this. Many of us were asked, “How can you?” We just do. We have truly little choice in the matter.
If you choose to interrupt this pregnancy, all the experts have told you based upon countless tests that your unborn child’s chances are less than 50%, you must endure the stigma. You wanted this baby and you chose not to have them suffer. It is not a selfish act but a selfless one. Some will state if you didn’t go full-term this child doesn’t count – so not true. You will also change because of this experience. Your child will never know the pain and will always be in your hearts.
If you choose continue the pregnancy and hope and pray for the best you will also have doubts and wonder if you can endure seeing your small infant go through surgery, recover and endure. If you are the mother, you will have this constant reminder moving and kicking within you. If you are the father, each time you see your partner, you will have this reminder. The thoughts of what you both will have to endure for your child and what your child will endure will not be far from either of you.
Then there are those couples who were expecting a healthy baby and their child is born and goes into repertory distress. They whisk the baby away and start intubation and assessing the condition of the infant. You may not hear anything for hours. Not knowing what is happening to your child, to this baby you have a nursery prepared for, a life planned out for and now they are taken from you. The doctors will then come to you and tell you of this birth defect which has a 50% mortality rate. Your child may be treated in the hospital you delivered or many times may have to be transported to another for treatment. You are in shock. What in the heck is a congenital diaphragmatic hernia? How did that happen? Why didn’t they see it before? When can I see my child? When can I hold them? Those that had the diagnoses prior to birth at least know of the protocols and procedures that health care institutions do to attempt to save the lives of these babies.
Both will sit by the bedside and pray, hope and wonder what is next? You face the unknown, the lack of control, the overwhelming feeling of parents just to pick their child up who is suffering and ill cannot be acted upon. This isn’t supposed to happen this way! Why your child? No one can give answers to that question. You go from watching the monitors to not watching the monitors to asking if they have had a good day or a good blood gas for the past hour. Sometimes you cling to just a good minute.
If you are blessed enough to have your child endure surgery, possibly ECMO and recover from both then the next hurdles are feedings and weaning the painkilling drugs they have been on since birth. This is a slow process. It takes time and patience. Many of these children due to the organs affected may have gastrointestinal reflux and due to the tubes down their throats oral aversions. You wonder how you are going to take care of this once fragile infant at home. You are warned of their lung condition being fragile, that they may not have the immunities other children have and must be guarded against a society full of germs. Your best friend will be anti-bacterial soap and hand sanitizers. (Next to an abundant supply of burp cloths for the reflux.)
And if you are faced with letting them go, allowing them to earn their wings, either by their choice or after being told that everything that could be done has been and there is nothing left to do. That is the worst loss, but each and every parent who has had ever to let their child go in this way will tell you, “We just knew it was time”. The most unselfish act in the world is to tell your loved one, “It is okay to go.” They will be out of pain, not have to endure any more but that is when your pain will immeasurably increase.
It takes courage, faith, strength you never thought you could have to endure having a child with CDH. You will be the most devastated you ever have been, you will be more exhausted both physically and emotionally than you ever have been before. You will also know that no matter what life throws at you now, it is small compared to what you have endured.
© Breath of Hope, Inc 2010

no slowing down,a new baby,surgery and pumpkins...

What a busy week and to think it's the weekend and their is no slowing down in our house hold.Between soccer tots,family in town, dinner guest tonight a pumpkin painting play date tomorrow.Every weekend is booked for the next couple of months.I love staying busy but I also really love having a pajama day. Lounging around the house  with my two favorite men building forts in the living room,eating pop corn and sipping on hot cocoa. Yep those are my favorite kind of  days. Were gonna have to squeeze a pajama lounging,fort building, pop corn eating,hot cocoa sipping day in some time in the next month, for sure.

My best friend (more like a sister) and her husband had their fist baby. A girl, Jenna Ruth.I am over the moon excited for Erin and Stew. Congratulations you two, now a beautiful family of three. Jenna is absolutely adorable. I am smitten over her. Her picture anyways.Haven't had the pleasure of meeting sweet Jenna in person yet with thousands of miles in between us. I can't wait for that day.Once I  get permission from her lovely parents to share her picture with all of you.You all will be smitten too.

Claire, a beautiful vibrant three year old recently had surgery to repair her re-herniated diaphragm. I have been thinking about her and her parents a lot. Sounds like Claire is recovering nicely. Their has been talk of her getting to go home Monday. Woohoo!If you have a second, Stop by her blog and wish her well. Thanks.

I am going to leave this post with more pictures from yesterdays pumpkin patch adventure. Enjoy.

O and C best buds since infancy
no one mess with C not while he is hay collecting.
Hay collector C, making a cozy nest in the wagon
but that darn O the crane[ ahrrrrrr kachhuh kachhuh kachhuh... ahrrrrr ]
 messing up his nest.
All in all yesterday was a GREAT day at the pumpkin.
Looking forward to doing it again.
Hope you all are having a terrific weekend!
thanks for stopping by.

When hubs,I and O's  team of surgeons were discussing whether or not to  go with the latissmus dorsi flap procedure  back in March. We wondered how loosing that very muscle would affect his ability to climb.

As you can see
it really hasn't slowed him down
one bit
"look at me I am king of the hay pyramid!"

Sometimes I wish time would stand still

They weren't kidding when they say "motherhood zooms bye". Seriously I feel like just yesterday my little boy was a bald headed blue eye curious easy going never sleep through the night baby.Oh! how I miss late night early morning snuggles.I don't miss being sleep deprived though that is defiantly a plus side to my baby being a little boy.If I could I would freeze time. I get teary eyed just thinking of my baby little boy growing up and leaving for college. Sniff sniff.      
O 6 months old

Yes, I am well aware that my baby little boy hasn't even started pre-school yet and  I am already feeling the empty nest syndrome.Crazy, I know. I love being a mommy. It's been my dream. I was that girl that secretly played dolls until the age of fourteen (ssshhh don't tell any of my peers). I want to savory every moment of watching my little boy grow into a young responsible gentlemen. sniff sniff.

If only I could freeze time.
thanks to digital, I can.
savory and capture those moments in time I wish I could freeze.
Like this beautiful moment my almost three year old(sniff sniff) 
playing soccer with the greatest man I know.
His smile melts my heart and brings me so much joy.
Moments I will savory until the end of time.
Like this one....
 my little boy  lady bug doing his team cheer with his peers.