Insomnia
I can't sleep. Seems to be my new nightly ritual tossing and turning. Insomnia, I hate it. To much on my mind, I guess. Tonight I was really proud of myself crawling into bed before midnight. Snuggled up to the man I love, closing my eyes feeling the freshness of the cool autumn air{we sleep with our windows open that's how we like it}Aaaaaaahhhhhh sleep and then that's when it happened my mind started wandering. How should I season tomorrow's night's chicken? lemon pepper maybe, should I fry it or bake it. Defiantly bake.Damn it mind I need to go to sleep. I am tired of feeling like a zombie. Go to sleep.
Rolling from my left to my right my mind drifted to a place I have been avoiding for well over a year. It's to painful when I go but sometime my mind goes their.Tonight I need to go their. My eyes began to water.Remembering the last time I held my grandmother's hand on her death bed. I wanted to take a picture of our hands touching knowing that this would be our last. I didn't know if it would be inappropriate or not. So instead I did the next best thing. I took a mental picture.I have never seen anyone so close to death before. Literally hours away.
The following morning my grandma, my best friend died.Wow typing that very word opened the water gates.I have been avoiding sharing my feelings of grieve for well over a year now.It's time I let it all out.
I miss you grandma. Every time I burn toast or bacon I think of you.I miss being able to pick up the phone to ask you "how are you?" you always replied "better than nothing" Even when you were real sick and you could barely catch your breathe. I know your in a better place now. The pain of not having you grace this world of the living is still painful.I still have a jar of your last batch of jam. It sit in my pantry. It has the year 2007 written on it in your hand writing. I don't even know if it's still good to eat. Does jam go bad? Eating it is not an option it's the last one you ever made grandma.
Grandma you will alway be in my heart and forever missed. Love you to the moon and back.
Rolling from my left to my right my mind drifted to a place I have been avoiding for well over a year. It's to painful when I go but sometime my mind goes their.Tonight I need to go their. My eyes began to water.Remembering the last time I held my grandmother's hand on her death bed. I wanted to take a picture of our hands touching knowing that this would be our last. I didn't know if it would be inappropriate or not. So instead I did the next best thing. I took a mental picture.I have never seen anyone so close to death before. Literally hours away.
The following morning my grandma, my best friend died.Wow typing that very word opened the water gates.I have been avoiding sharing my feelings of grieve for well over a year now.It's time I let it all out.
I miss you grandma. Every time I burn toast or bacon I think of you.I miss being able to pick up the phone to ask you "how are you?" you always replied "better than nothing" Even when you were real sick and you could barely catch your breathe. I know your in a better place now. The pain of not having you grace this world of the living is still painful.I still have a jar of your last batch of jam. It sit in my pantry. It has the year 2007 written on it in your hand writing. I don't even know if it's still good to eat. Does jam go bad? Eating it is not an option it's the last one you ever made grandma.
Grandma you will alway be in my heart and forever missed. Love you to the moon and back.
{O meeting his great grandma 2008}
*HUGS* it is so hard to lose our loved ones. *HUGS*
Thinking of you Amber! (((HUGS)))